As parents and family members, we want to see our kids succeed and enjoy their time on the field. But the best way to support them isn’t always as straightforward as it seems. Often, the instinct to shout instructions or offer feedback comes from a place of love and wanting to help. However, it’s crucial to remember that youth sports, particularly soccer, are learning environments where kids need the space to make their own decisions, even if that means making mistakes. Here’s how parents can best support their child before, during, and after the game:

Before the Game: Setting the Right Tone 

Before a game, it’s essential to focus on preparation and encouragement. This isn’t the time for strategy discussions or last-minute instructions. Instead, focus on positive reinforcement. Encourage your child to enjoy the game, remind them it’s okay to make mistakes and emphasize the importance of effort and teamwork. The goal here is to alleviate any pressure they might be feeling and allow them to enter the game with a clear, calm mindset. Arrive early and give your kiddo plenty of time so they don’t feel rushed. 

During the Game: Let the Players Play 

Soccer is often called “the player’s game” for a reason—it’s a sport where quick decisions on the field can make all the difference. Players need the opportunity to learn how to make these decisions independently. Parents coaching from the sidelines can create confusion and take away a child’s ability to think for themselves. Instead of barking commands like “shoot!” or “pass!”—which are often counterproductive—use adjectives rather than verbs. For example, saying “Great effort!” or “Well done!” allows the child to feel supported without feeling controlled.

Allow your child to make mistakes because that’s where learning happens. Mistakes are growth opportunities. When we try to “fix” everything for them, we’re robbing them of the chance to develop resilience, problem-solving skills, and independence.

Let the referees ref. Many youth referees are young players themselves, learning the craft just like the kids on the field. They will make mistakes, and that’s okay. Trust that they’re doing their best, just like your child.

Let the coaches coach. Coaches often limit their in-game instruction so the game itself can be the teacher. They’re not focused on micromanaging every move but on developing the players’ understanding of the game.

After the Game: Offering Support Without Pressure 

Once the final whistle blows, your role shifts to being a supportive parent again. The best thing you can say to your child after a game is, “I love watching you play.” This simple statement reinforces your unconditional support, regardless of their performance.

If your child had a challenging game, they likely already know it. Avoid diving into a critique. Instead, let them lead the conversation. If they want to talk about the game, listen and ask questions that prompt reflection rather than judgment.

Perspective Matters 

As a community of parents, coaches, referees, and players, we’re working to create the best possible environment for our children to learn and grow. The goal is to foster a love of the game and help them develop as players and individuals. Yes, winning can be fun, and competition is exciting, but remember that this is just a kids’ game. Keeping that perspective will ensure our focus remains on what matters most—the joy of playing.

By following these guidelines, you’ll empower your child to take ownership of their soccer experience and help them develop the skills they need both on and off the field.